Professor Snape's Secret Fetishwomen's clothing
by Jade130
Summary: Harry makes a horrific discovery about Snape's personal style... Proceed with caution... enough said. (rated pg13 for insanity)


Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or any of It's characters. We are simply borrowing them.  
  
Professor Snape's Secret Fetish for Women's Clothing(and alcoholic  
beverages)  
By Kate B, Jane S, and Jade P.  
  
Sixteen-year-old Harry Potter had just left the Gryffendor common room to visit his beautiful girlfriend, Tari, in the library. He was interrupted, however, by a series of loathsome oaths protruding from Professor McGonagal's office, followed by the sound of clanking tin.  
  
The frustrating noises drew him in to the edge of the doorway, and very slowly, he peered around the corner. Such a sight as he could never have imagined met him. There was Professor McGonagal leaning over a makeshift magic, kitchenette spotted with baking flour, her hair coming loose from her tight bun, clutching a tin measuring cup in a very strong, tense grip.  
  
It was then, that she spotted Harry.  
  
"POTTER!" she shrieked, making him practically jump out of his shoes, "Make yourself useful! Go ask Professor Snape for a cup of bloody sugar so I can finish these bloody blueberry scones for the bloody teachers conference this bloody Friday! But if you spill any, it will be on your head, so... I... then... JUST GO!!!!"  
  
For a very short moment, Harry just stood there, befuddled, before he realized how short her temper really was. She hurled a decrepit tin cup at him, narrowly missing his temple, and crashing on the outside corridor wall. He picked it up and scurried off towards the dungeons, hoping Tari would not be mad.  
  
The hallways were cold and dim. Then again, the dungeons always gave him the willies at night. Then, a very soft noise, like a lost song, seemed to drift up the dark corridor towards him. He shuddered. Could it be? Music? No, a silly idea. But as he continued on, the strange noises grew louder and more clear. Yes... It was the definite music of ABBA!  
  
Harry was too terrified and hesitant to dare a look around the corner, but finally, his curiosity got the better of him. But as he did so, an even more unspeakable horror seared his eyes like many daggers. He stood, wide eyed, mouth open, gaping. AT PROFESSOR SNAPE DANCING TO "Dancing Queen" BEFORE HIS MIRROR, SINGING ALONG IN HORRIBLE OFF PITCHED FALSETTO INTO HIS SLIMY COMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Harry was utterly bewildered. Snape danced on, well, danced as best he could, oblivious to Harry's presence. He was wearing a lime green disco jacket that had abhorrent daisies embroidered on it. He was wearing lime green disco bell-bottoms to match and sported go-go boots of a lovely ivory shade. Multicoloured candles flickered all around as the song came to the end. He also noticed that there were sparkly pink and orange butterfly clips, holding back his locks of greasy hair. He dramatically spun around and did the splits while singing enthusiastically into his comb. Harry winced. It was a sight he was sure would scar him the rest of his life. Even worse than the scar given to him by Lord Voldie-thingy.  
  
It was only then that Snape saw him, standing against the doorway. In a high voice, as if a little scared school boy, Harry spoke...  
  
"I... I was wondering... if you could spare... a... cup of sugar..........!?" As he burst into hysterical sobs, his now wounded eyes flowing with the tears of anguish.  
  
"Oh Harrrrry... do yoooou like... like my danSING?" he slurred, his breath reeking of booze, "Oooooh! I'll get tooooo... get your sugaaar! I like sugar toooooooo!!!", as he staggered and weaved his way into the back room, taking a slug of some steaming, foul drink on the way.  
  
He emerged a moment later with a pack of cheese puffs that he more or less lunged at Harry, which hit him in the head. At that moment, the next song on the ABBA record came on. It was "Mama Mia", Snape's apparent favourite.  
  
"HAAaaareee? You wanna dansh?" as he leapt to the centre of the floor and started performing unsightly dance moves from the 80's. Harry simply stared as Snape made a complete fool of himself (as if he hadn't already).  
  
However, once he started shaking his head violently to the music, and the hair clips flew out of his slimy hair, Snape took it to a new horrific low. "Do you thiiink I'm shexy?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed, as though the kiss of death were after him. He went pelting out the hall, flailing his arms, and completely abandoning his mission of sugar. He never could look at Snape the same way again.  
  
Fin 


End file.
